i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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