Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
