I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
