Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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