Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
