Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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