You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
