i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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