you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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