Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
