I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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