Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
