i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
