i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
