real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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