nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
