By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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