By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
