Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
