dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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