Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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