If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
