Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
