its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize