you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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