Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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