Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I could make wine with my vomit
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
