we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
