i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
