You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Someone signed my nipple.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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