Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
