Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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