I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
