Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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