If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this will be a night to untag.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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