woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
