I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
