4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
