I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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