Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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