Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
