She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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