She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
