im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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