i permit you to call me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you inspire me to be a worse person
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
