Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
