the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
