I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
