So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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