I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
