he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
