That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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