super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize