Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
