im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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