worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
