Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
