I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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