Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
