just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Found your dick twin last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?