**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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