Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!

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(708): you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas! http://tfl.nu/ibug

Replies (10) Good night (5819) Bad night (811)
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(352): View more from Florida

I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.

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(352): I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green. http://tfl.nu/8k05

Replies (4) Good night (3704) Bad night (1564)
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(716): View more from New York

He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.

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(716): He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready. http://tfl.nu/z83a

Replies (9) Good night (5015) Bad night (907)
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(903): View more from Texas

He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...

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(903): He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered... http://tfl.nu/skgw

Replies (7) Good night (1319) Bad night (4842)
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(240): View more from Maryland

seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am

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(240): seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am http://tfl.nu/z6p6

Replies (7) Good night (2737) Bad night (992)
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(404): View more from Georgia

The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant

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(404): The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/hmmb

Replies (8) Good night (892) Bad night (4068)
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(408): View more from California

Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.

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(408): Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something. http://tfl.nu/it4y

Replies (15) Good night (2805) Bad night (1179)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,

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(412): Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage, http://tfl.nu/ten2

Replies (15) Good night (4703) Bad night (1042)
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(696): View more from

Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?

(451): View more from

Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes

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(696): Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right? (451): Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes http://tfl.nu/39ll

Replies (7) Good night (2152) Bad night (549)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?

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(479): I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense? http://tfl.nu/pnqf

Replies (3) Good night (1024) Bad night (492)
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(303): View more from Colorado

You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.

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(303): You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack. http://tfl.nu/ud5l

Replies (4) Good night (703) Bad night (1048)
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(404): View more from Georgia

You get home ok?

(1-404): View more from Georgia

Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.

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(404): You get home ok? (1-404): Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah. http://tfl.nu/6dv0

Replies (2) Good night (1043) Bad night (398)
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(905): View more from Ontario

I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub

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(905): I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub http://tfl.nu/k11n

Replies (4) Good night (481) Bad night (807)
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(408): View more from California

my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck

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(408): my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck http://tfl.nu/pgzd

Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (270)
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(514): View more from Quebec

So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.

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(514): So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real. http://tfl.nu/rkxf

Replies (1) Good night (245) Bad night (435)

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