3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit