I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...