Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami

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  (949): Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami http://tfl.nu/v8jf
  Replies (11) Good night (550) Bad night (2710)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  it's like iHOP with fire

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  (301): it's like iHOP with fire http://tfl.nu/9idi
  Replies (20) Good night (3979) Bad night (777)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.

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  (631): You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk. http://tfl.nu/huyr
  Replies (9) Good night (6084) Bad night (816)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".

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  (630): You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking". http://tfl.nu/tuao
  Replies (9) Good night (5831) Bad night (802)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?

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  (775): Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy? http://tfl.nu/1eeo
  Replies (33) Good night (4842) Bad night (2253)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

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  (717): and on the fourth day, god made foam parties. http://tfl.nu/nmea
  Replies (21) Good night (5045) Bad night (1001)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.

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  (570): I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless. http://tfl.nu/rrlk
  Replies (6) Good night (3908) Bad night (709)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?

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  (519): Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator? http://tfl.nu/y95u
  Replies (36) Good night (6674) Bad night (838)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.

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  (541): There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet. http://tfl.nu/xrf4
  Replies (12) Good night (2498) Bad night (943)
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  (909): View more from California

  i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life

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  (909): i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life http://tfl.nu/pypl
  Replies (13) Good night (2703) Bad night (957)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.

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  (512): I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters. http://tfl.nu/dc1b
  Replies (1) Good night (1129) Bad night (717)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.

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  (214): you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night. http://tfl.nu/mxyx
  Replies (7) Good night (2345) Bad night (544)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.

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  (443): Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude. http://tfl.nu/yo4l
  Replies (3) Good night (557) Bad night (996)
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  (408): View more from California

  look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.

  (1-408): View more from California

  eating on the run again ?

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  (408): look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags. (1-408): eating on the run again ? http://tfl.nu/uddy
  Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (349)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with

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  (905): I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with http://tfl.nu/izq7
  Replies (1) Good night (408) Bad night (229)

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