They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man