Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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