you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
