Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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