my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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