New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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