Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
